This Monday I’m gonna get real with y’all. I’m talking Mom Fails. I don’t know about you, but I have been failing a lot lately. And not just oh I burnt dinner or my cake fell apart, fails. Oh no. January was one big ol’ fail.
Wanna hear what my resolutions for 2019 were? Be a better mother and wife, get my house in order, take better care of myself, and keep This Serendipity running smoothly. But guess what?
I failed at being a mom. The kids fought all day, erry day, I yelled too much, we didn’t get nearly enough school done. We ate out more than I cooked. We all spent too much time on our phones/devices/X Boxes. Chores fell behind … my house is a wreck. And, don’t judge me please, I still have Christmas decorations up. I know, I know. Hopefully they’ll be down before Valentine’s.
I failed at being a wife. I wasn’t supportive or present for my husband. And boy, oh boy, did I take my frustrations out on him. Now, I ain’t saying he was perfect … hahaha … but he didn’t deserve everything he got. And our sex life suffered too, which doesn’t do anybody any favors, does it?
I failed at my health. I forgot to take my medicines at least once a week, Lupus sufferers will know how vital it is that you don’t forget them. But I did. A lot. I had the flu and now a sinus infection. I ate bad, didn’t drink enough water … you name it. And exercising? Didn’t even cross my mind.
I failed at blogging. This is my dream job y’all and I just could not get it together to get anything on here. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t get any photos taken, or recipes filmed. I essentially vanished in January. Epically failed.
And my mental state took a hit. Every night, I’d go to bed with the same thought, “Kristina, you wasted another day. TOMORROW you will NOT.” And, come sunrise, I was at it again. My old depression definitely poked his ugly head. I felt run down, defeated, and useless. I had purchased a round-trip ride on the struggle bus.
So on today’s Monday Mom Moment, I want you to know, I see you Mama. I feel you. I know its hard and life is making it harder. This world feels like its out to get us and if its not one thing, its another. Don’t be discouraged. Don’t give up. You got this! You’re amazing and capable and most importantly, not alone. We’re all struggling; the struggle bus is standing room only. It’s too easy to put our heads down and not notice that we aren’t the only ones. Social Media can be such a lie and its easy to think we all have it together. Um … I don’t. Not even close. And I willing to bet most of us don’t. And that is okay.
Failing is a part of life. It teaches us and furthers our growth. But if you’re like me, it can look pretty dark before you learn and grow. I’ve started this audiobook called Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst. In it she talks about living loved and that really struck a cord with me. She says, “God’s love isn’t based on me. It’s simply placed on me. And it’s the place from which I should live…loved.” Y’all. Insert shocked emoji here. When I heard that it was like God directly saying “I love you, stop trying to earn it and then giving up when you fail. I love you, I already covered you in love.”
I think about it like this; Lynie, my youngest, drives me up the wall sometimes. She’s a dramatic, needy, tells a lot of fibs, never stops talking, wild child. But I love her. I love her when she makes a mess, I love her when she starts fights with her brother just to get him in trouble, I love her when she freaks out when I tell her she can’t play alone outside after dark for the one thousandth time. And Jesus loves me. He loves me when I loose my temper, He loves me when I get nothing done, He loves me when I fail.
So, I say to you Mama, Jesus loves you. I love you. Stop worrying about perfection and just do your best. You are enough and you deserve some grace. Acknowledge those fail days, and then move on. Even if the next day is a fail too, and the next and the next. You still got this. You’re still a rockstar. God’s love is placed on you, not earned by you. You are enough and you’re amazing.
Below is a list of things I like to do when I feeling extra “fail-y”. Some mental health wellness check-ins. Just to give you some ideas on how to be kind to yourself on those fail days and bouncing back.
Here’s to a Less Failed February for us all!
All the Love,